Deliverance
by drisles
Summary: "Do you want to know how I survived?"


"I'm sorry," Jane cried as she stumbled through Maura's entryway with Frankie close behind, gripping her elbow to keep her upright.

"Shh," Maura said as she ushered them both inside, casting a worried glance in Frankie's direction. She held onto Jane by the shoulders until the detective looked at her with red, teary eyes. "Can you make it to the couch?"

Jane nodded.

"I'll join you in a minute, alright?"

Another nod and Jane made her way to the living room, swaying back and forth as she went. She bumped into the wall, swearing under her breath before her body stumbled out of view from Maura and Frankie.

Maura turned to Frankie. "How much has she had to drink?"

"I lost track after five beers," he said. "But I know she got started without me, so…" his voice trailed off. "I'm real worried about her, Maura. She can't keep doing this to herself. I know she's in pain, but… there's gotta be a better way. I don't want to see her end up like Pop."

"I know," Maura sighed. "She won't… _we_ won't let it get to that point, alright?" she assured him with a squeeze to his arm.

He nodded, running his hand over tired features.

"Go home, Frankie. I'll take care of her."

"Are you sure? I would've brought her back to my place, but she refused."

Maura shook her head. "Don't apologize, you did the right thing. Now go, get some sleep. I'll call you in the morning."

"Thanks, Maura." He smiled at her before exiting her home.

xxxx

When Maura returned to the living room, Jane was passed out on the couch. Joining her, Maura sat next to her friend, releasing a heavy sigh as she watched the woman sleep. _You look so peaceful when you sleep_ , she thinks, _a stranger would never know all the horrors you've been through._ With a sigh, she quietly made her way to the kitchen, filling a glass of water and grabbing a bottle of aspirin. It was a routine that Frankie had taken part in many times over the past few weeks, but that night was the first night the duty fell on Maura. It was the first night Jane asked for her.

It all started four weeks ago when Maura was kidnapped. Frankie had told her about it in the hospital ten days later; told her how after the sixth day had gone by without any fruitful leads, Jane had succumbed to the numbness that only alcohol could provide her. Maura understood Jane's coping mechanism, of course she did. So much had happened to her﹣ _to them_ ﹣over the past few months﹣ _years_ ﹣that she would've thought it strange if one of them hadn't turned to an unhealthy solution to get by, but when Maura returned home after nine days in captivity and two days in the hospital, she thought the drinking would stop. She thought she and Jane would be inseparable. She thought confessions would be made. She thought maybe, just maybe they could finally be happy.

But she was wrong.

Instead of bringing them closer together, the kidnapping had torn them apart; a scenario Maura never even fathomed. Not once.

xxxx

Returning to the living room after getting lost in her thoughts, Maura sat on the edge of the couch, placing the items she procured from the kitchen onto the coffee table. She allowed herself another moment to study the detective before reaching out to stroke Jane's cheek. It was warm to the touch. Jane stirred almost instantly, flinching at the gentle stroke, but allowed it after seeing the person responsible for it.

"Hey," Jane greeted Maura with a groggy voice.

"Hi," Maura replied softly, her thumb still caressing rosey cheeks.

Jane tried to sit up, but by the way she winced and fell back against the cushions, Maura could tell she already had a headache. "Here," she said as she reached for the glass of water and aspirin, "take this."

Jane did as was told and watched Maura set down the empty glass. "Again?" she asked.

Maura nodded her reply. "Do you remember any of it this time?"

Jane shook her head and looked down at her left hand, the one being held between Maura's own.

"I'm worried about you, Jane."

"I know."

"Do you?" Maura pushed gently. "I didn't survive," she paused in an effort to keep her tears at bay, "I didn't survive nine days in hell just to watch you kill yourself."

"Maura﹣"

"No, Jane. I'm serious. If you keep doing this, if you﹣"

"Stop it, Maura! I know, alright? Just… I don't want to talk about it right now, ok?"

Maura bit her lip before giving in. "Ok. But promise me we'll talk about it eventually?"

After a moment of contemplation, Jane agreed. "I promise."

Maura gave her a half smile before returning her attention to Jane's hand. She traced the scar tissue on the woman's palm and massaged the muscles surrounding it. She continued on like this until Jane looked like she was about to fall asleep.

"Come on." Maura stood, a hand held out for Jane to hold.

Jane grumbled. "Just let me sleep on the couch. I'll be gone before you even wake up tomorrow."

"No, Jane. You're not going to sleep on the couch. You're sleeping with me. Come on."

Reluctantly Jane stood, her body swayed back and forth before Maura caught her by the elbow.

"Think you can make it up the stairs?" Maura asked as she lead them over to the staircase. Jane nodded, but Maura followed close behind with a gentle hand on the small of her back.

When they reached Maura's bedroom, Maura guided Jane to sit on the edge of her unusually messy bed while she searched through her dresser drawers for a pair of sweatpants and t-shirt she kept just for Jane. Maura felt Jane watching her every move.

"Did I interrupt something?" Jane asked, breaking the silence.

"Pardon?" Maura walked over to the bed with pajamas in hand, pausing in front of Jane. "What did you ask?"

"I asked if I interrupted something? By coming over here?"

Maura's eyebrows furrowed.

Jane glanced from the unmade bed back to Maura's inviting silk nightgown that plunged low in the front and barely covered mid-thigh.

It took her a minute, but Maura finally realized what Jane was implying. "No. No of course you didn't interrupt anything. And even if you had, I still would've insisted that Frankie bring you here. You're the most important person in my life, Jane," she said with complete honestly.

She handed Jane a small bottle of mouthwash and held out an empty glass, waiting for Jane to spit.

xxxx

When Maura re-entered her room from the bathroom, Jane hadn't moved from her spot on the bed; her sweatpants and t-shirt remained untouched.

"Jane?" Maura moved to stand in front of the detective. "Are you al﹣"

"I remember."

"You remember what?"

"I remember what happened tonight. Or at least, I remember calling you. I just wanted to go home and then I remembered I didn't have a home… that it burned… and I didn't want to go back to Frankie's apartment, back to that little closet. I just﹣I wanted to go home. So I called you. I'm sorry."

Maura shook her head. "Why are you apologizing? You have nothing to be sorry for. You're always welcome here, you know that."

"How can you say that?" Jane yelled. "How can you say that?! I have _everything_ to be sorry for!" She was loud, but the hurt and sadness was evident in every syllable.

 _This is it_ , Maura thought, _this is the beginning of the conversation we've been avoiding for weeks. Hell, it might even be the one we've been avoiding for years._

"Jane﹣"

"No!" Jane cried, heavy tears rolled down her cheeks. "No," a little quieter, "how can you even look at me? After all the pain I've caused you… after everything that's happened to you because of me. How can you look at me? How can you let me into your home? Your bed?!"

Maura stepped forward until she stood between Jane's knees. Holding Jane's face in her palms, she said, "Because I love you. Because you're my best friend and I love you. I don't blame you for anything."

Jane began to sob.

"Shh," Maura soothed as she reached for the hem of Jane's beer stained shirt, pulling it up and over her head before sliding Jane's arms into the pajama top. Jane wiped at her eyes as Maura unhooked her belt and tugged at her jeans until they fell in heap of denim on the floor. "Come on," she instructed, pulling back the sheets, allowing Jane to slide beneath them.

After turning out the lights, Maura climbed into bed next to her friend, pulling her close until messy brown curls tickled her chest. Her fingers threaded through those same curls as Jane cried against her.

"Talk to me," Maura said once Jane's breathing returned to normal. "About anything. It doesn't need to be what you're thinking about."

"I'm proud of you," Jane whispered as her hand went up to trace Maura's collarbone. "I'm proud of you for surviving. But… I hate that I didn't get to you sooner. I'm sorry you had to… I'm sorry you had to kill him. You're so good, Maura. You shouldn't know what it feels like to take someone's life."

"Jane﹣"

"No," Jane interrupted. Maura could feel fresh tears on her neck. "No, Maura. I hate myself for that. I hate myself. I﹣," she shook her head against Maura, "how do you do it? How are you so good? Why… why do I hurt everyone I love? I just want to be good, Maura. I just want to be good."

Maura shifted until they were facing each other. "Do you want to know how I survived? What kept me alive for those nine days?" She reached out and caressed Jane's cheek, wiping away fresh tears. "Hm?"

Jane nodded, scooting closer so she could hear Maura's whisper.

"I thought of you," she couldn't hide the emotion in her voice. "Everyday, I thought of you. About the first time I met you. The time we ate tuna and crackers from a box in the morgue. Our first sleepover. The night we spent together when T.J. was left on my doorstep. I thought about all of it. _You_ kept me alive, Jane." She stroked Jane's cheek.

"Do you want to know what else I thought about?"

"What?" Jane's voice was barely above a whisper.

"I thought, if I never made it out of there alive, I'd never know what it would feel like to kiss you."

"Maura﹣"

"﹣to feel you against me. To tell you I love you. I couldn't die in that basement without knowing." Maura leaned in close until their noses bumped.

"I just want to be good, Maura. I just want you to…please... kiss the the hell out of me. Please. Take the pain away," she sobbed.

Maura brought their lips together in a simple kiss that quickly turned passionate. "Please," Jane cried between kisses. "Please. I don't want to hurt anymore."

By the time Maura had slipped her hand past the waistband of Jane's underwear, they were both crying.

"I forgive you," Maura whispered as Jane tightened around her. "I forgive you."

And Jane was free.

xxxx

 **A/N:** Prompt: "Kiss the hell out of me. Please." This didn't quite turn out how I envisioned it, but I hope it was still enjoyable. Thanks for reading.


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